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MidnightSkyPoet
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Name: Crystal
Country: United States
State: Maryland
Gender: Female
Interests: poetry, music, writing, night time, love, the stars and the moon, walking in the darkness, trying to live my life with a smile, and helping my friends.
Expertise: hahah....no
Occupation: Bj's all purpose worker XD
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  midnightskypoet
Yahoo:  dwellerofthepast
Member Since:
3/27/2004
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| It seems I only write in this during my deepest, darkest moments. I just feel horrible.
Good night.
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| I really am starting to believe that I'm a loser. I mean what else explanation would there be for all the people that I've ever been close to or friends with... to let me down. Well there are a few that haven't but I just feel like crap, it could be that I haven't really had a day off in a while and just about every time I am off... I get let down. But meh. I can't help my attitude, I realize it's going to take a lot to trust any of my friends anymore. I'm sick of sometime friends... we're friends... but only when it's convenient for them. I'm also sick of being let down, if you don't want to hang with me... just tell me that. I know I'm a mess and that I have a bad attitude, and I have anger issues... not to mention I really doubt that I'm mentally stable. But whatever... if you can't take me as I am... fuck ya. Cause I'm sick of trusting people. I'm sick of this stupid ass town...
Going to work today I almost got run over by a camero that went over 3 lanes and almost ran off the road... for no reason and when I honked at them... they flipped me off... like I was in the wrong. Then at work, I was sitting in the break room and I was talking to one of my coworkers who right in front of me (in the middle of our conversation I might add) invited a whole bunch of people to a party she was having... and left me out. I mean I don't really care that I was left out... I was more annoyed that I was the only one in the break room who was uninvited... and she should have talked to them all personally instead of doing that. I mean I already feel like a loser since I lost my best friend and well... hell several of the ppl I invited to my wedding don't talk to me anymore....
Here is some advice for any new and upcoming brides.... don't fucking invite any of your good friends to your wedding... it will end horribly.
I just wanna fucking break down. I'm sick of being so far away from my husband, and I know I also get mad with him cause he's the only one that ever talks to me anymore. I get jealous sometimes cause I know he has friends that he always goes out places with... and everyday I get stuck by myself. I'm so sick of it. I just wanna be with my husband. I don't wanna ever get mad at him but I can't help it. It's hard to let off steam anymore so I just bottle it up and get aggravated and it seems whoever actually talks to me gets it let out on them.
I'm so glad barely anyone I know reads this.. cause I don't need the sympathy. I need friendship. I need people that I can hang with that won't bail on me all the time. Hell, just someone to talk to would be nice.
I'm going to go.
Good night.
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| Alright, so I haven't been on here in a while. I'm up cause I have to work at 6 and it's 410 am at the moment. I'm exhausted and I hurt cause I took 2 shifts yesterday. 6-11 and 4-9. And I was working with pallet jacks, scrubbing, scrapping, and mopping. Very much fun. Today is the last day of me doing 2 shifts in a day for a while. I'm too tired to try doing this too often. Plus I miss talking to my husband <3 I don't get to talk to him when I get home from work cause he never gets on until midnight or later my time... but it's only 9 his time. I can't wait until we are in the same time zone, and then the same house. I miss him so much, and I need him. I love him so much and it's times like this that really make me want to be in his arms and fall asleep.
Oh one of my friends bailed on me... on Tuesday... we were supposed to go skating but whatever. Today is his birthday. Happy fucking birthday, fucker. Meh, and I thought he was a good friend. Fuck that. I really want to get out of this place. Cause Leanne is the only one that isn't family that still proves to be a friend.
I can't wait to move. I'm trying to gather boxes and newspaper, if anyone has any to spare cause I'm moving my own stuff. But the Marine Corps is going to pay us for moving it. Which is stupid, why can't they just move it. I'm not going to argue. Plans for when Tim gets to Cherry Point, NC: visit and look at houses for rent, find house, get applications for jobs, move to NC, get settled, buy furniture, find job, and of course... enjoy finally being with my Hubby <3.
Anyway besides working I haven't done much lately. Oh I have been reading, which is not really a big deal. I need to find more books to read. Meh, I hurt. I need a massage.
I can't wait until today is done, cause it's going to be a long day.
Good day everyone.
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| So I haven't really been around to write the last 2 entries. So Let's start with... thursday. I went to the store with dad, then went and hung out with Dan, Alasdair, and Shawn. It was nice hanging but It was so weird without someone. I'm just glad some of my friends still miss me... even when I'm emo. I played xbox 360 with Shawn until like 5 am after we had left Dan's at like 3. It was kewl though, we had got new video games at the mall, or rather, the guys did and I just chilled cause my xbox 360 still doesn't work.
Then when I got home, dad was an asshole and just yelled. Then yesterday I went to PA with Shawn and Alasdair so that we could drop Alasdair off at his friend's house cause he has drill this week. And when I got back, dad was asleep so that was great. I still haven't talked to him... I have went to work for the past 2 days and not bothered to talk to him. I can't wait to move out. I won't have anyone calling me and asking me where the hell I am when I already told them... not to mention I'm 20 years old... married, and have a job.
But meh, I miss Tim so bad, I love him with all my heart and he keeps me from going crazy.
Im going to read and go to bed after a while cause I have to work tomorrow... meh. I never work that many hours. My manager and I talked, I should be getting more hours after the next schedule comes out.
Good night everyone.
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| I woke up a little later today cause I didn't feel well initially... but as the day went on, I felt better. I think I might be kicking the cold but I still have allergies. It's hard to tell where one begins and another ends. I went to work, as always. It was an alright day... I read my book when I wasn't busy. I hope I get a more interesting and people oriented job where ever I work next. I came home and started cleaning again... my parents are starting to think there is something wrong with me. To tell you the truth, this is the way I stay sane now. It's one more thing that I can use to grasp to my new life that's coming when I move out.
So I've got mixes news about me moving out. I will need some help because the military isn't moving it for us. So anyone willing to help is welcome. It's going to be like early - mid June. If you can't make it cause of should or cause you can't go that distance or whatever, that's fine. I'm not expecting a whole bunch of people. I've packed and moved shit before, usually it wasn't mine.But it's fine. If you can help though, either comment here, myspace, or facebook. Or if you happen to be one of those few ppl that keep in contact with me, call the celly... I always have it on.
There is one good thing about working at BJ's though, that will help with the move.... BOXES lol. I can get as many big boxes as I want or need to move my shit. lol. It's going to be interesting to move. I'll be excited and sad at the same time. I've lived in this house for so long, I just can't imagine another house... but I can't wait to live with Tim. I'll actually get to be around him more than 5 times a year. It will also be cheaper XD cause I'll be staying at a house with him. YAY! I miss him so much.
Anyway tomorrow is looking like store trip and roller skating. I'm not sure if the rollerskating thing, but I'm hoping for it cause I miss it and well the person I'm taking with me could use getting out of the house and doing something new.
So I'm still looking for houses, some of the ones that I picked before were taken off websites cause they were leased already... but we def need to get on the move to find one... hopefully close to the base, low rent, 2 or more bedrooms... hopefully with washer and dryer. I can't wait to look at these houses ^^
Anyway.... I kind of stopped writing this when I was looking at stuffs... and now it's 4:53 am... good thing I don't work tomorrow. <3 Tim. Good night All.
Good luck on your very important inspection <3 I wuvs you and I know you'll do wonderful <3 nini
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